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Kentucky Color - The Science of Telemetrics

The military has long used it, but, write notes, "One of the first groups of individuals who grimthorped Telemetrics for the private sector were Penhookers," and adds, that fisherman have developed a high degree of telemetrics weighing hooked but lost fish, by the tug on the line. Even the publication "Big Trees," qualifies its findings noting that their superlatives are only for the trees measured to date, and may not be record setting, as he recalls the reception of the famed Earls Ridge Wildcat, weighed from a moving car by a trained eight and the big cat bounded across KY 704
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By Billy Joe Fudge

Wow! Telemetrics, the scientific technology of measuring, interpreting and transmitting data remotely is beginning to really catch on in the Great Wooded South. For years, it has been a tool of the military for deciphering available data for the accomplishing of goals remotely. From the firing of artillery shells over great distances to putting satellites in orbit around Saturn, Telemetrics has now evolved into some very important domestic, non-military uses.

One of the first groups of individuals who grimthorped Telemetrics for the private sector were Penhookers. Penhookers, for those without a Great Wooded South University Purchasing Degree, were free-lance livestock buyers who positioned themselves in front of the unloading docks at Stockyards where livestock were being brought in by local farmers to be sold at the livestock auctions. They would intercept the farmers and make offers to purchase while the farmers were waiting in line to unload. It has been said that some Penhookers could weigh a pig, calf, hog or cow to within a half-pound of their real weight from a distance of a hundred yards while it was still loaded on a pickup truck. Then, calculate the offer to be made in conjunction with the exact amount of taxes saved by the farmer by not having to report a cash sale and not having to pay the sale bill to the livestock auction.

Another metric developed to a high degree of accuracy is the ability of some, if not all fishermen to weigh fish just by the tug on their line. This of course is a necessary response to the "need to know syndrome" which permeates much of our society. The Great Wooded South University Research Department in assisting my research for this scientific paper found an interesting tidbit of information. They found that according to polling of verifiable sources, fish hooked but lost were a full 41% larger than fish landed which tends to lend credence to the old adage, "the big one got away"!

While speaking of size, there are some in the journalistic community who good heartily, I think, scoff about estimates of the size of one particular Wildcat. This of course is the famed Earls Ridge Wildcat which, according to a skilled and highly trained Telemetrics scientist, cleared Highway 704 in a single bound and landed squarely in the Earls Cemetery. The size of that Ol' Wildcat was clearly around 35 pounds. Now the Telemetric weight being a full 5 pounds heavier than the 30 pound top weight given by so called expert sources is where the scoffing began. Well, just to paraphrase a qualification given in all Big Tree publications, "The largest trees by species listed in this publication are the largest trees measured to date, not necessarily the largest trees". I think one can safely surmise that according to reason and the science of Telemetrics, the same could be said concerning the weight of Wildcats.

This story was posted on 2017-12-27 19:38:36
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