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Carol Perkins: Part III of the Cruise

'He said he was James Bond.He was no James Bond. From the look of the table in front of him and the woman with him, someone had been drinking a lot of beer.' - CAROL PERKINS, remembering an encounter in Cozumel
Next earlier Carol Perkins column: Carol Perkins: Cruise 2017 - Part II

By Carol Perkins

Why I needed another piece of luggage was not necessarily because I had bought too much, but because my suitcase was two pounds overweight when we left Nashville. Luckily, one of the other women packed lighter, and I transferred my extras to her carry on.

One of the ladies and I walked across the street in Cozumel to a place that looked much like Chinatown shops crammed with "wares" from jewelry to luggage to clothing. In the process of buying the luggage, the clerk brought out a shoebox and shook it as if he were going to have a drawing. "Need any drugs?" he asked. "Do you need painkillers? I can give you anything you need." The list was staggering and both of us were a more than shocked. Evidently, local pharmacies do not require prescriptions for control substances. I wonder how many of 3,000 plus on our cruise went home with a fresh supply of painkillers.

Back on the ship, we looked ahead to a full day on the sea before the end of the cruise. Each night we spruced up for dining with our favorite waiters and shared the events of the day. We told our "drug" story.

The next day I had scheduled a massage. Right outside the spa was an area for "adults only." Six large cabanas lined the railing and many reading areas surrounded this cozy spot where children were not allowed. As I waited for my named to be called, a man jumped up in front of me and said, "Hello, I'm James Bond." He was no James Bond. From the look of the table in front of him and the woman with him, someone had been drinking a lot of beer.

Just about that time, a cabana became free and the woman with James Bond dived into one of them as if someone might steal it. "Your wife sure is fast on her feet," I said. "Ugh, I have to tell you that that woman is my mother." All I could say to cover myself was, "She sure looks young." Then he yelled out to his mother what I had said. "There are 47 of us on this cruise and she started it all." How can I get out of here fast? Cabanas were filling up with his relatives, and he introduced all of them. These relatives obviously wished Uncle James Bond had stayed at home.

Thank goodness someone called my name. After my massage, I was to meet Judy at this same area. I sneaked in and hid at the far corner of the bar area out of sight of the cabanas. Judy found me but so did James Bond. "There you are!" he slurred. Judy looked at me like who is this. "Judy, this is James Bond." She asked no questions until we ditched him and his growing family. When he sobered up, he might have been a nice person, but a drunk is a drunk.

The last day of the trip brings a certain sorrow. We know we'll travel again, and there will be some who won't make every trip and others who will go for the first time. Where will we go next year? Maybe Ireland. (I am working on a sixteen passenger private van and driver to escort us the entire trip.) No matter where we go, we will come back with stories to tell. Start Packing!

Contact information:


(My new book, A Girl Named Connie, is available at Blossoms Florist and Boutique Unique, 507 Happy Valley Road, Glasgow, KY 42141, Phone 270-629-3597; the Edmonton/Metcalfe Chamber of Commerce, 109 E Stockton Street, Edmonton, KY, Phone 270-432-3222; and the Lighthouse Restaurant, 1500 Sulphur Well/Knob Lick Road, Sulphur Well Historic District, KY 42129. Phone 270-629-3597. And Also on

This story was posted on 2017-06-14 04:38:27
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