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Humor: Case of missing hoe baffled police, crime reporter

HUMOR, with a hint of truth. A favorite story from Donna Marcum White's memorabilia. The story is from a file of unsolved mystery cases, from ca 50 years ago, as written in the unique - and a bit fanciful - outlook of the greatest 'crime' reporter of the age, the late Pete Walker

By Pete Walker, with the probable help of all named
Waggener-Walker Newspapers Crime Reporter, before or just after 1970

An unusual theft took place on Greensburg Street last week. Mr. Dolphus Dowell, renown gardener and resident of that street, left his garden to run downtown for more seed.

While he was gone for about 10 minutes, an ambitious thief stole his gooseneck hoe.

Attorney O.A. Durham is in charge of the investigation as the whole neighborhood has agreed that "Cotton" Durham is no suspect, for under no circumstances would he have anything to do with a hoe.

Mr. Durham has cleared Chief of Police Murray Knifley to assist him in the investigation on the grounds that a fisherman has no use for a hoe.

Mr. Alfred flowers and Mr. Charles Sparks of the neighborhood are not under suspicion, according to City Judge Elmer Ruberts, their wives attesting to the fact that neither would have anything to do with a hoe.

One man, who wishes to remain anonymous, suggested that Dolphus should be investigated a little closer because as hot as the weather was last week, if he himself had a hoe he would have thrown it away and claimed someone stole it. Perhaps Dolphus did likewise.

As of right now, the prime suspects, according to some authorities, are Mayor "Square Deal" Downey and "Preach" Hoover. The reasoning given is that Square Deal has so many road projects promised for this summer that he might have decided to get a hoe and work on some of them himself.

Preach's Street is in such bad shape he could use a hoe to fix up the holes.

If no one confesses to the crime this week, the entire sheriff's department and Jailer Haley Neagle will be put on the case Monday, as they are under no suspicion of stealing a hoe. - PETE WALKER

This story was posted on 2017-05-30 13:00:39
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