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Carol Perkins: The Cruise Part II

Read Part I here: Carol Perkins Setting Sail

By: Carol Perkins

Getting through the check-in meant waiting in lines, filling out new forms, and being ready to hand over a credit card and passport. I had all of Connie's information except those two, and when we were checking in she couldn't find her little zip bag that contained both. After taking everything out of her pockets and backpack, she found it stuck into the pocket of her pants. The others were waiting for us on deck at the "picture" taking place with two fake sailors smiling like baffons. This is another way of making money for the cruise line because most people go wild about pictures of themselves. We bought ZERO pictures.

Not able to go to our rooms yet, we followed the other 4,000 to the buffet and had a taste of what this cruise would be...foreign blend of stuffed this and that. Of course, there were hamburgers, pizza, and fries but we could get that at home.

Once fed, the first event was the safety drill. Everyone MUST attend, according to the announcement, and come wearing a life jacket. That might have been one of the funniest moments the first day. The only one who could comfortably locate all the straps and hook them probably was Freeda. She goes to Get Fit For Ladies. The rest of us either couldn't reach around our backs or grab the belt under our legs. Big people all over that ship were allowing others to pull a strap between their legs and fasten to the back. I decided if the time came, I would ask for help then.

"Did you get yours fastened?" Judy asked.

"Are my eyes popped out of my head? There is no way I can reach between my legs and get that strap. I'm not asking anyone else to do it, either."

"I got mine," she bragged.

We had drawn attention to ourselves yet once again. By then we were hysterical.

After taking our life jackets to the room I said, "Let's go check out the spa?" So all seven of us pounced upon the lovely ladies at the spa desk, but since only a few could speak English and they couldn't speak Southern, communication was limited. "I want the rock massage," I said. I had to find the exact massage in the book and point to it. "Oh, the lava massage."

Four of us had lava massages before the ship left the dock. My masseuse was a young man who handed me a package the size of an Alka seltzer package and said, "You can change into this or keep on your own garments." I almost laughed as I gave him the "You gotta be kidding look." "I skipped the paper thong.

After the fact and we women were talking, one of them said, "I put the thing on. I thought I had to." There were no plus sizes.

While others went on top to watch us leaving the dock, I stretched out on the bed and rocked with the waves. By then I needed a little quiet time. There wouldn't be much of it to come, but at that moment, I was blissfully relaxed and had my sailor legs ready for the week.

Carol Perkins, the writer of this popular CM Column, is an author, owner and operator of Main Street Screenprinting, 601 S. Main Street, Edmonton, KY, Phones 270-432-3152 and 270-670-4913 and is co-host of Susan (Susan Shirley Chambers) & Carol (Carol Sullivan Perkins) on 99.1 The Hoss, regularly live at 10amCT, each Tuesday.

This story was posted on 2015-04-19 09:16:37
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