Printed from:

Welcome to Columbia Magazine  

Chuck Hinman: IJMA. Shopping gone wrong

Chuck goes on a shopping binge for seven pair of new socks to replace all his old socks but bras bar his way.
Next earlier Chuck Hinman column - Husbands, Stay Out Of The Kitchen: Advice For Retirement

By Chuck Hinman

I go on a crazy 'lights out' shopping binge every now and then that I can't justify later and yet it seemed so reasonable at the time. Ever been there or done that?

Last week without batting an eye I bought two pair of pricey shoes (I won't tell you the price) reasoning that not one pair of the sixteen pair of shoes on the shoe rack outside my clothes closet door are comfortable. I'm not rich but after 88 years I certainly deserve some decent-fitting shoes. Wsh!

Chuck trashes a drawer full of rag-tag socks

Then I began to notice I don't have one decent pair of socks in a whole drawer full of 'rag-tag' socks accumulated back to college days; I apparently don't throw away socks (or anything else for that matter). How could this happen to a 'known' local writer; doesn't he have any family?

Yesterday when dressing for Sunday School and putting on the same pair of blue socks I had worn for a record fourteen consecutive days I decided I would go to Wal-Mart's on Monday and get at least seven pair of socks that would last me the rest of my life. I sighed 'good riddance' as I dumped the whole drawer of socks in the trash in anticipation of the new socks I would have tomorrow.

Chuck is legally blind and needs help shopping

For those of you who don't 'know me from Adam' you need to know that I am legally blind and depend on help from any and every one to make my purchases at a big store like Wal-Mart's. I don't feel sorry for myself because of this new handicap. In fact it's a challenge for me to look for (and find) some difficult item like a box of staples.

Today's assignment seemed like a 'piece of cake.' All I wanted was seven pair of men's socks, assorted colors without elastic in the tops. I expected to have to 'feel' the socks to make my selections.

Everything goes wrong: bras where socks once were

Everything went wrong. They had moved the socks and when I meandered around to where I thought I might be closing in on them, I asked a lady clerk for help. She told me that I was very close, they were just around the corner.

When I got to where she pointed, I didn't see anything that resembled men's socks so I reached up and touched what I assumed was a black pair and withdrew my hand immediately realizing I was 'pawing' a ladies bra. My heart skipped a couple beats as I looked around to see if anyone had observed an old man 'messing around' in the ladies lingerie department.

After 'massaging' a couple more bras looking for men's socks (oh yeah, you're saying) I gave up on my search until I could get some help.

For a while Chuck is washing his one pair of socks often

Meanwhile it looks like I may have to wash my one pair of socks since they hauled off the trash with all my socks!

Oh me, life is so complicated at times!

Written by Chuck Hinman. Emailed: Tuesday, 9 March 2010.

This story was posted on 2014-11-02 06:32:14
Printable: this page is now automatically formatted for printing.
Have comments or corrections for this story? Use our contact form and let us know.

To sponsor news and features on ColumbiaMagazine, please use our contact form.


Quick Links to Popular Features content is available as an RSS/XML feed for your RSS reader or other news aggregator.
Use the following link:

Contact us: Columbia Magazine and are published by D'Zine, Ltd., PO Box 906, Columbia, KY 42728.
Phone: 270-250-2730 Fax: 270-751-0401

Please use our contact page, or send questions about technical issues with this site to All logos and trademarks used on this site are property of their respective owners. All comments remain the property and responsibility of their posters, all articles and photos remain the property of their creators, and all the rest is copyright 1995-Present by Columbia! Magazine and D'Zine, Ltd. Privacy policy: use of this site requires no sharing of information. Voluntarily shared information may be published and made available to the public on this site and/or stored electronically. Anonymous submissions will be subject to additional verification. Cookies are not required to use our site. However, if you have cookies enabled in your web browser, some of our advertisers may use cookies for interest-based advertising across multiple domains. For more information about third-party advertising, visit the NAI web privacy site.