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Carol Perkins: O Christmas tree, you'll be the death of me

In the old days, getting a real Christmas tree, a real Eastern Red Cedar one, but a lot of of work. A lot of work. But not as much as the PRELIT one our heroine bought this year. A food for thought column, written, as always, in the inimicable style with unique Metcalfe County humor only found in the column "Carol Perkins." - CM
The next earlier column: Carol Perkins: Have we leaped over Thanksgiving . Posted November 24, 2013

By Carol Perkins

"O' Christmas tree, you'll be the death of me." A person might think that putting up a PRELIT artificial tree would be a reasonably easy task. After all, compared to the olden days of trekking through the woods with a handsaw and a trusty dog close behind to scare off savage beasts, eyeing a tree from all directions to make sure there are no holes in the branches, cutting it down so as not to injure the limbs, and then lugging it to the truck or the trunk of a car, that moving a tree from the attic or basement would be simple. Well, it should be but...

The new tree was bought at the height annual Christmas gouging

We bought a new tree last year. Did we wait until after Christmas to buy one on sale? No, that would have been too smart. Instead, we waited until time to put it up and gave full price for "just the right one" after looking at dozens, and anxiously dragged the box into the house.

A Clark Griswold moment when the lights were turned on

Once in place, I stood back to admire the lights as Guy, much like Clark Griswold did after decorating his entire house, placed the plug into the outlet. The top of the tree twinkled, but the lights on the bottom half were dead. Not a twinkle; not a glare. So, Guy checked all the bulbs, "When one goes out the others are supposed to burn," he assured me, but I had a feeling, based on previous experience with what is supposed to be and what is, that our tree was a lemon.

A familiar retail problem: Returning to original seller for free replacement too costly

After about an hour, I went to a local store and bought two strings of lights for our prelit tree. Returning it to Bowling Green would have meant waiting until the next weekend and being the impatience sort, I didn't want to wait one more day. So, we plugged in the tree and complained.

December 6, and still no tree.

It is now December 6 and I have no tree. My friends' trees are up; my neighbors' trees are up, but where is mine? In the basement. Why is it in the basement? I have no floor. Why do I have no floor? Guy is redoing the den and has to work on it when he can. When he CAN means on the weekend. How many are left? "Let's just put the tree on the subfloor," I suggested (or hire it done).

"I will get the floor down by the end of the weekend," he grumbled at my lack of faith.

"Which weekend would that be?" I smiled on my way out of the room.

May skip a tree this year

Maybe I'll skip a tree this year. A friend of mine hired her granddaughter and a friend of hers to do the job. That made sense to me. I would do that if I had a floor.

In the meantime, I'm enjoying the beautiful decorations in the neighborhood. Last night I remembered I had a little tree in the basement with blinking lights that I never used because it drove Fluffy crazy. I brought it up and plugged it in and yelled at Fluffy to stop barking at the tree.

"O' Christmas Tree you'll be the death of me." - CAROL PERKINS

This story was posted on 2013-12-08 04:40:31
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