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Leonard Burton theories of Gooleys vs. Burton Burtons Gleaned on the Square. With lessons for the rest of us on not doing work which ought not be did in the first place. Theory probably settles age-old controversy. Transcription by Ed Waggener, largely unembellished After revelations from Mr. Gerald Doss Pellytonian Gerald Doss says fellow townsman Leonard Burton knew how to tell which was which among the Burtons. Leonard Burton told Mr. Doss that, so far as he knew, the issue of Gooley Burtons vs. Burton Burtons is not a matter of heredity, at all. DNA and genetic make-up have nothing to do with it. Gooley Burtons do seem to always have money, but that alone is not it. While many, but not all, Burton Burtons have money, some are cash strapped and none of the Gooleys ever are without all the money they need; most have all the cash they even want. Leonard Burton, Gerald Doss reports, said the single indisputable, distinguishable difference is that Gooley Burtons do not sweat. Gooleys simply do not do any physical labor at all, Leonard Burton told Doss. Their most strenuous undertaking is head-thinking. Leonard Burton said you always see Gooley Burtons riding around in clean, new pick up trucks. There's a difference in apparel, as well. Gooleys may be wearing blue jeans, but the trousers are always clean and nearly new. Burton Burtons may have dust, dirt, and motor or crude oil on their denims - never seen on a Gooley. Doss said Leonard Burton said that one brother could be a Gooley, another a Burton Burton, no matter how full handed either might be. Leonard Burton told how the owner of a huge fortune of land in Vester, maintained that he was not a Gooley, but his sib was. "My brother Earl is a Gooley, but I'm not. I work." What Leonard Burton posits is not so very much in conflict with what the leading authority on the subject, Murrell Burton, the real estate magnate, says. Murrell Burton said that work will kill a Burton - any Burton; that none - Gooley or otherwise, should attempt any sort of labor. "They're not made for it," Murrell said. "A few try it and then have a heart attack and kill over, dead." Warning enough, and defense enough, to avoid any exertion - maybe even for those who are so unfortunate as to have not a single drap of Burton blood, Gooley or not, in their veins. From a quick rundown of who now owns Adair County, it appears that, by far, there's way yonder more Gooleys; hardly another kind among the clan of the current age, making how to tell a Gooley almost an anachronistic pastime, of no practical consequence whatsoever. This story was posted on 2013-05-29 12:42:34
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