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Chuck Hinman - IJMA 100-B: Aging Gracefully

Told his body parts were 85 years old and to get used to it was tough to take, but the author came up with the most admirable course one can take, a realistic and valiant one: Pondering the realistic state of my life in view of this string of bad news I got some sense from somewhere that with God's help I would 'make do' with what I have left.
The next earlier Chuck Hinman column:Chuck Hinman - Mrs. Coffman: Teacher, Decorator, Traveler

By Chuck Hinman

Aging Gracefully : The Odor of Toothpaste

Help! I have had at least two doctors tell me in the last six months that I am old and that my body parts are worn out. They say it like it is: your colon is 85 years old and showing its age.

More recently, my eye doctor announced abruptly "your eyes are 85 years old, your central vision is gone, and your days of reading are past." He seemed to be saying "get used to it, cowboy!" Get used to not seeing normally? Who are you kidding?

Pondering the realistic state of my life in view of this string of bad news I got some sense from somewhere that with God's help I would "make do" with what I have left.

Two days have passed and I hear you asking, how it's going with Chuck Hinman, operating with a colon that is "shot" and with eyes that can't read writing without terrific magnification.

The worst was yesterday. After taking a quick shower before hurrying off to dinner in the Tallgrass dining room, I was dousing my clean body with body lotion (a life-long ritual) followed by rubbing onto selected areas where I have a skin disease called psoriasis a prescription salve called BetaDiprosone. It comes in a tube and I have used it for years.

I was about to finish this hurried ritualistic rubdown when I noticed the odor of toothpaste as I was rubbing down the inside of my ears and the back of my scalp. Oh God! What am I doing? I picked up the tube and sure enough it said Arm and Hammer toothpaste!

I had in my blindness smeared toothpaste on my legs, my privates, my body hair, under my arms, my ears, the back of my head, my arms, and everywhere....

See how one of my first days of dealing with a visual handicap went? Not very good, I would say, as I squinted in the mirror with tears in my eyes and a faint smirk on my face! Welcome to old age -- Chuck Hinman! As you have already heard, it ain't for sissies! How right you are!

Yep, I moved my toothpaste tube so I will never again get it mixed up with my BetaDiprosone!Written by Chuck Hinman, 16 June 2007

This story was posted on 2012-07-29 07:17:33
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