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Chuck Hinman, IJMA No. 93: Telemarketers at Tallgrass Estates

It's Just Me Again No: 093. Chuck Hinman, while at Tallgrass Estates, was able to recompense for telemarketer's evil after years of suffering their abuses. (Comments, with your retaliatory methods, welcome. Use the response device - currently Contact Form - with this article to vent. -CM
The next earlier Chuck Himman column: Chuck Hinman: IJMA 178 - Love at first sight, Memorial Day

By Chuck Hinman

I am so fed up with telemarketers I have considered life without a telephone. It seems to me their methods are more obnoxious as time passes. Efforts to get my name off their lists go unheeded.

I am an unlikely prospect for anything they are marketing. I am 86 and legally blind. I don't own a house or a car. I don't use credit cards. I've had it up to here trying to get to the phone before the caller hangs up, only to find that this is the "last time" (it really isn't) they are going to tell me the warranty on my car is about to expire. It seems to make no difference that I don't have a car.

Not long after I moved to Tallgrass, I was taking a nap and the phone rang. It was a TM but contrary to most TM calls this was not a recording, this was a real person. He started out as all do, "May I speak with Charles R. Hinman." I was disgusted because he had interrupted my nap BUT I was polite because this was a rare chance to lead a TM on to pay back for all the TM calls received in my lifetime.

"Mr. Hinman, do you still own your house there at 2633 Mission Drive?" That is the address of Tallgrass Estates, a multi-million dollar three story facility that offers opulent living for 125-150 people. I was absolutely giddy when I considered how I was going to lead this sucker on.

I replied, "Yes. My wife died recently but I still have our big house and live here; she was very wealthy (her family were the Picketts - Oklahoma City oil barons as you probably know)." I could tell he was sucking in all these lies big time.

He continued, "Have you considered replacing the windows?" The devil took over and said, "Yes, not only the windows but the siding and a sunroom are in my plans. Do you deal in any of those?" I could here him gulp as he said, "May I have you talk with our vice-president?"

Our vice-president introduced himself and explained that their business was in nearby Tulsa, and that he would like to drive up to Bartlesville to discuss my needs and show me pictures of some of their work. I jumped on that and suggested, "Why not this afternoon?" He responded, "Great, I'll be there in 45 minutes." He said he would be in a black Toyota. I told him I would be looking for him and would be in the portico of "my" circular drive.

Mr. T. Marketer never showed up nor did I expect him to. I would like to have seen the look on his face when he discovered that Mr. Hinman's house at 2633 Mission Drive is two blocks wide, three stories high, and has hundreds of windows.

Gotcha, sir!

-Chuck Hinman, emailed Wednesday, August 20, 2008

This story was posted on 2012-06-03 06:45:23
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