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Old Rob 1972: The suspected rising of his offspring

Introduction By Mike Watson to a column on the suspected return of Old Rob, the Graverobber, and the distinguished panel of the top Varmintologist in America, with members from Columbia, Cane Valley, Coburg, Florida, and as far away as Jamestown, KY.
Ed, I do not wish to encroach upon the territory of my dear Cousin Brother Jim, but found this item in an "old" paper that may be a good entry for the renewed interest in varmintology that has surfaced on CM of late...-MIKE WATSON

From the celebrated Statesman, 17 August 1972

by the Honorable W.K. Neat:

Lock your doors and bolt the windows, Old Rob the grave robber is back making the headlines from the Florida Everglades to Kentucky's Herrington Lake to Southeast Missouri and then on to the state of Washington. The reports of sighting Old Rob and the descriptions of the monster, beasts, etc., that have been seen so closely match Old Rob, Adair County's fearsome beast, that we believe it to be the same varmint or one of his offspring.

As many Adair Countians may recall, during the summer of 1970 Old Rob the Grave robber caused much trouble and drove fright into the hearts of many of the timid, upset the milk production, caused a shortage of peafowls, ruined the reputation of many a pedigreed fox hound and gave Adair County the honor of being home to the champion varmint for the year of 1970, and has now returned to wreck houses and befuddle the minds of many a non-believer.

As of this date no sighting of the beast has been reported in Adair County, but the following reports have been heard: From a Florida newspaper, we have learned that a Missouri monster which reportedly smells like rotten eggs and has a head shaped like a pumpkin and glowing orange eyes has been spotted.

Now this couldn't be Old Rob because of the orange eyes, but with his color blindness he likely would have married the orange-eyed female monster he was spotted running with in this vicinity years ago and the young-un takened the eyes after his mother and the smell after his dad, Old Rob the Grave robber.

Yeah, that's likely how it was. It was stated in that same paper also, that the thing we believe to be our own Old Rob had been scaring people, carrying off pets for years, and lifting up small foreign vehicles.

These clues take us straight back to the memories of Old Rob because he loved scaring dogs and other small animals who insisted on sniffing and woofing at him all the time...also he hated anything that wasn't strictly American, thus the destruction of the foreign things is explained.

A monster has also been reported in the Herrington Lake area near Louisville. In a story printed in the Louisville Courier Journal recently they spoke of a monster who had a snout like a pig and a tail like that of the same animal. This definitely could be Old Rob or his boy.

A special called meeting of the State's top varmintologists and Saucer-sighters was held and the membership voted to offer aid and assistance to their Missouri Counterparts, also to call in Dr. Greystoke, noted authority of were-wolfs, hob-gobblins, haunted houses, etc. Dr. Greystoke is world renowned and is from London, England.

Be not afraid as your Adair County Varmintologist squad is on the lookout day and night and if Old Rob the Grave robber is back in town or if this is his boy come home to his birthplace, we will be the first to spot him and let the public know where to take safety.

Honorable Members: W.K. Neat, head Varmintologist; Leighton Smith, deputy to W.K. Neat; J. Wood Grider, noted Varmintologist; Col. Otley Gilpin of Coburg, famed hunter of the north, east, west, south and other areas; Lundy Cress, Jamestown Representative; Pete Walker, honorable advisor; The honorable Wayne Parker, St. Augustine, Florida, head Varmintologists for the state of Florida.[Important note: The original publication of this important article was accompanied by a sketch of Old Rob by renowned artist Linda Wagener.--MW] --Mike Watson

This story was posted on 2011-12-30 18:12:34
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