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Carol Perkins: Growing older Growing old is not easy, especially if a person has become invisible somewhere along the way, Carol Perkins observes in this touching account of the behavior two uncaring adult children The next earlier Carol Perkins story is The New Year By Carol Perkins Although the lab at Graves Gilbert Clinic was overflowing, my mother and I found two empty seats and waited for her turn for lab work. Across from us sat a woman just about my age and her mother, and next to me was a man and a woman I later learned was his mother-in-law. Both elderly women were called back at the same time, and that is when a conversation began between the remaining two caretakers. "Mother has lived with me since Dad died ten years ago," the woman stated, as if it had been a death sentence. Her body language told the story as she fidgeted with her keys. Would money in purse make parent more loved? "My mother-in-law has lived with us for three years. She is one cantankerous woman, I tell you," responded the man. He went on to explain just how cantankerous. "She carries her pocketbook around with her all day. Not like she's got any money in it." They were talking as if no one else were in the room. He might have liked her more if she had had some money in that purse. "My mother won't do anything but just sit around. She needs to get up and move more than she does, but I can't make her." Two swapped hardship stories about elderly parents For the next five or ten minutes, the two swapped hardship stories of having to care for their elderly parent/in-law. The woman's mother came out first. She shuffled along and needed her hair combed in the back. If I am walking behind my mother and see a gap in her hair, I fluff it. Doesn't every daughter? Her daughter rose from the seat, shaking her keys, and helped her mother out the door, giving an over-the-shoulder look to the man as if to say, "See." When the mother-in-law came out, I looked to see if she were, indeed, clutching her purse. She held it to her chest and looked over to her son-in-law. Had to think about what getting old can mean After they left, I looked around the room at the elderly who were there with a daughter or son or grandchild. I thought for a minute about what getting old can mean, and how sad it would be not to have anyone who really wanted you. Two or three days later, my mother asked me if I had heard the conversation in the lab that day. "I felt so bad for those old people that I sat down and cried when I got home." "I felt the same way," I revealed. When I observe the lives of others, I come to my own conclusions sometimes. I concluded that these two women were burdens. I might have been wrong. Lucky that mother wants to live each day like she is 40 I am lucky that my mother wants to live each day as if she is 40. I truly think some older people give up. They move in with their children because they are lonely or afraid to be by themselves. However, there are those for whom having to leave their home is the worst thing that could happen to them. They don't want to be dependent on anyone. That would be my mother. When we were checking in at the nurses' station that day, before seeing the doctor, my mother sat down in the waiting area while I registered her. The nurse, pecking away at the computer, asked me for her date of birth. Then she wanted to know if I had her power of attorney. I nearly laughed. We chatted a little about her mother, and the fact she didn't always think clearly. She whispered, "Does your mother have her mind?" I guess she thought since I was registering for her, she couldn't do it herself. I stepped out of the way and pointed to my mother who was oblivious to this conversation. "Do you see that woman over there? Does she look like she doesn't have her mind?" There sat my mother perfectly alert, straight, and competent, looking ten years younger than her age. "My mother thinks for herself and for the rest of us too when we need it." Growing old is not easy, especially if a person's health is bad and he/she is alone. Children sometimes fight over who does NOT want to keep Mama rather than who does. Hearts have been broken and homes have been split over having to care for an elderly relative. Hopes her own children WANT her I hope my children will fight over who WANTS me instead of who doesn't. Wouldn't that be a twist! The truth is who WANTS to live with their children? Who wants to intrude into the lives of their kids? Not me. Not ever. However, I'm sure many children end up taking care of their parents out of necessity. If that happens, one would hope that their children would be kind to them. Growing old is not easy, especially if a person has become invisible somewhere along the way. (email Carol at cperkins@scrtc.com. Her book, Let's Talk About, is available at Ivy Bookstore, 402 Rogers RD, Glasgow, KY) This story was posted on 2010-02-07 08:27:58
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Have comments or corrections for this story? Use our contact form and let us know. More articles from topic Carol Perkins:
Carol Perkins: The day he died Carol Perkins: The New Year Carol Perkins: When I was a kid Carol Perkins: The Caretakers Carol Perkins: A Second Christmas Carol Perkins: The taxi ride Carol Perkins: Christmas on Christmas Island? Carol Perkins: Small town department stores Carol Perkins: Hypnotized Carol Perkins: On the Pond Bank View even more articles in topic Carol Perkins |
 
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