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Chuck Hinman IJMA No. 043: Somebody's sitting in my chair

It's Just Me Again 043. About territorial problems at Tallgrass Estates, where the Goldilocks issues continues. A story evocative on KET's BBC situation comedy "Waiting for God."
Next earlier Chuck Hinman story, Mealtime When I Was a Kid Reader comments to CM are appreciated, as are emails directly to Mr. Hinman at: charles.hinman@sbcglobal.net

by Chuck Hinman

The furor stirred up by known troublemaker, Goldilocks in the well known nursery rhyme, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, is not over! It surfaced recently at prestigious Tallgrass Estates in Bartlesville, Oklahoma.



In a recent Managers and Residents Meeting, a red-faced new resident reported he/she had been turned away from sitting at a certain table in the dining room, the reason given "it is the table ALWAYS sat at by Daddy bear, Momma bear, and Baby bear" (names substituted for privacy obviously).

Management thought they nipped the problem in the bud with this executive statement -- "As we all know, we don't have assigned seating at Tallgrass Estates. It hurts the feelings of the people who are treated this way, now doesn't it?" Tsch -- Tsch! End of issue! Or is it?

Who would have thought when you saw Tallgrass Estates rising out of the Bartlesville prairie and you pondered the care-free, no-problems luxury offered by these digs that there could be any problems? Seemingly you would just move in and your worries would be over; everything is done for you and you are at last on easy street in your golden years!

'Gracious Living' takes a certain amount of resident effort

After living here going on four years I have discovered, sometimes the hard way, that the management's chic advertisement "Gracious Retirement Living" doesn't become a reality without a certain amount of effort on your part. You have to claim your rights. The problem then becomes "How do you do that? and am I too old, tired, or incompetent to master that?" You're smirking! I am dead serious!

On my first day at Tallgrass, I was a little worried where I would sit in the glamorous dining room. It's an important decision. My furniture is in, my pictures are on the wall, but a most important question surfaces, where does my bottom go in the huge dining room at meal time. It's not a frivolous non-issue. I soon found that I spend nearly three hours per day, that's one-eighth of the rest of my life at a table, eating or waiting to be fed. Shocking?

Residents learn the rules

Welcome to Tallgrass USA! This is institutional living, make no mistake. And just like in the big house at McAlester, (another Oklahoma institution albeit a huge prison), residents, no matter how naive when they arrive soon learn rules. They become street smart, even the little blue-haired ladies.

Now, don't act surprised! It began on the first day of school, another institution. You survived and learned the system, or you were miserable.

The system basically works like this. It is most easily illustrated by using animals, particularly dogs. It is bred in all of us, people and animals alike when we arrive at a new home to, as soon as possible stake out your rights. Dogs do it in a primitive animal way, urinating on all they are stating to the world -- "THIS IS MINE." Sometimes, the process is called "marking."

Sitting at same chair two successive meals establishes territory

Now understand one thing, I do not mean to suggest that anyone at Tallgrass would crudely urinate on a leather chair in the chandeliered dining room. But "sitting in the same chair at two successive meals" comes close to establishing certain inalienable "squatter's rights" guaranteed by no less than the Constitution of the USA, the pronouncement of Tallgrass management to the contrary notwithstanding. That's legal jargon -- for "This is mine -- stay the hell off!"

Well, you are saying about this writing "That's a lot to do about nothing!" And I say with steely blue eyes and as firm a voice as this old geezer can muster "I couldn't disagree with you more!"

A friend of mine, whom I collaborated with on writing this article, said it better than I could. She said "People, especially people who have lost control of their world, need something they can control -- a chair is a small thing. Depending on whether or not 'you' have claimed said chair can mean the world to a person." And I might add it becomes a "line drawn in the sand." Step over the line and you're dead!

Even at Tallgrass, people learn law of the jungle

Why fight it? It's worked all through history, even in the animal world. Call it law of the jungle or whatever. Over a period of time everyone, even at Tallgrass learns it. They have a seat they call home, in their room or in their bed or at church or in the car. It's NOT natural to float.

Of course, you always have gypsies even at Tallgrass. They are professional opportunists that arrive at meals, 45 minutes ahead of time to grab the best seats depending on which end of the dining room service begins today. They keep books. Know what I mean?

Street rules prevail and work and management isn't involved

But over a period of time, street rules prevail and even those nomads (some of them my friends) decide they are tired of bucking the system, the piercing stares and sneers of the "why don't you find a home" and SIT like the rest of us!

It works and management isn't even involved!
Chuck Hinman, former Nebraska farm boy, spent his working days with Phillips Petroleum Company in Bartlesville, Oklahoma, and Houston, Texas. He lives at Tallgrass Estates in Bartlesville where he keeps busy writing his memories. His hobbies are writing, playing the organ, and playing bridge.


This story was posted on 2009-10-25 02:34:19
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