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Dr. Ronald P. Rogers CHIROPRACTOR Support for your body's natural healing capabilities 270-384-5554 Click here for details 
  
Columbia Gas Dept. GAS LEAK or GAS SMELL Contact Numbers 24 hrs/ 365 days 270-384-2006 or 9-1-1 Call before you dig 
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Mr. Funk and other beloved downtown characters The Infamous Mr. Funk of Washington, PA Mirrors Similar Character from Columbia, KY By Jackson Brower, once of KY, late of PA Most towns in Appalachia, whether they be Columbia, KY or larger rural-type communities in the more northern old mountain foothills we here affectionately call Pennsyltucky, have interesting characters. They have useful functions that might not always be officially recognized. Such is the subject matter for this piece... folks who like to hang around downtown to be seen but not necessarily heard. In Columbia, during the mid-70s, there was a guy who simply liked to stand on one of the four corners of the square and wave to passersby. Very seldom did he speak. Occasionally he would move from say the Burkesville Street corner to the Jamestown Street corner, and one could watch him walk, usually quickly when there was lots of traffic and a little slower when there wasn't. The guys on the CETA Home Weatherization Program carpentry crew, of which I was a part at that time, nicknamed him the "Doodah Man". The name was derived from the 60s R. Crumb comic strip character, whose famous quote was "Keep on Truckin", and the word "doodah" itself brings back recollections of the songs of Stephen Foster, a famous 18th century Pittsburgher, who had a love affair with all things Kentuckian. Perhaps some of you Columbia Magazine readers recall this quiet, yet friendly character. Back in the 80s, up here in my neck of the Appalachian woods, there was a gentleman who lived in East Washington, PA in a big old Victorian house within a half mile of Washington and Jefferson College. I believe his name was either Alvin or Marvin Funk, but I'm not positive, and it doesn't really matter, because nobody in town referred to him by his first name. He was simply known as Mr. Funk. By trade, Funk was a licensed surveyor, and did quite well for himself, raising two sons as a single dad. He became a widower as a result of the tragic car accident. When he wasn't busy surveying, he could be found at either of his favorite homes away from home, the Bassettown Inn on Main Street or the 21st Amendment Lounge in front of the now defunct Washington Town Center mall. Yes, Mr. Funk had a fondness for old "John Barleycorn" in the modern day form of Jim Beam and Coca-Cola. One of the more interesting things about Mr. Funk was that he did not drive, was semi-retired and successfully drew up his plots, maps and reports out of his house. He was his own boss of a very part-time business, and his sons usually did all the job-driving for him when they had time from their own busy lives. That was a good thing, considering the fact that after business hours, Funk was usually half in the bag, and operating a motor vehicle would have jeopardized others' lives as well as his own. Mr. Funk lived within walking distance from the Bassettown Inn, but sometimes he was just too inebriated to walk, and he knew it. When those circumstances arose, it was not unusual to see him standing outside the establishment waving to passersby. Usually, it would not take long for someone he knew to stop, pick him up and give him a ride home. One thing about Mr. Funk was that he was easy to spot, resembling a combination of Mr. McGoo and the old Otis character on the Andy Griffith Show. This writer became friends with Mr. Funk, because he lived across the street from my best friend's sister, Linda Browne. At that time in the early 80s, I was newly arrived from Kentucky, working on a remodeling project at a hunters' cabin in the boondocks of Greene County, PA, where I resided for free in exchange for restoring the place. People couldn't figure out where I was from. I lived a quarter mile from the West Virginia border, so I had a Cameron, WV postal address. I lived in Pennsylvania and had Kentucky plates on my truck. Even Mr. Funk was confused. The last time I saw Mr. Funk, I had gone up to Lowe's to buy some insulation, and there he was sprawled on the sidewalk in front of the 21st Amendment Lounge. I stopped immediately to see if he was alright. He looked up at me, smiled and asked me if I knew which amendment to the Constitution the 21st was. I told him that it was FDR's amendment that ended national prohibition, and he smiled like a Cheshire cat. It took a little time to get him in my truck and on to his big Victorian house about a mile away, but he was very thankful for the ride and even offered to pay me. About a year later around 1984, Linda told me that Mr. Funk had passed away. She said he died mostly as the result of a broken heart, he missed his wife that much. She also told me that the long-time mayor of Washington, PA died shortly before Mr. Funk, but there were many more people at Mr. Funk's funeral than the beloved mayor's. This story was posted on 2020-03-06 20:51:18
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