Hmmm... Kentucky. (I'm so very, very sorry).
You mentioned vacationing in Florida; I actually pride myself on never having been to the "Deep South". I can't think of any reason why one should actually want to vacation in Florida - except maybe to watch future handbags slithering around.
North Dakota is really a very nice place, well worth a vacation trip (or even to move to!). I enjoy telling people about this place, my wife and I feel so very fortunate to have moved here 5+ years ago (from the Pacific Northwest). Housing is cheap - they will actually GIVE you a home if you decide to move here. A Buddy of mine bought one here in Mott for $101.00 - he misunderstood the term "Minimum Bid $100", and overpaid for it. Utilities are very inexpensive, our highest combined gas and electric bill ever was just over $225, during the "Natural Gas Shortage" of a couple of years ago. The freeways are most all brand-new, barely used, and I have yet to see a single pot-hole in a road in the entire state. Car tires never wear out, as there are very few corners to turn. It's true, too: If your dog runs away, you CAN keep an eye on him for two days.
Most all the women here are blonde, except the ones who are REALLY blonde. Most of 'em also look like Cheryl Teigs or Christy Brinkley (who are from North and South Dakota), but those types are considered not as desirable as the "biggun's" (read: What are you going to do if the furnace goes out in January?), who are in short supply. Most everyone is of Nordic descent, too - mostly German, a lot of Norwegians, and everyone but EVERYONE has square heads. A local German fellow was giving me an "old family recipe" the other day, it started out "First, you put a fish in the blender..." (True story - and I'm still laughing. He's still mad at me for laughing).
Everyone here DOES speak/sound like they do in the movie "Fargo". If you have yet to see that movie, go rent it - it will explain a lot more than I can. Probably the single most accurate scene is when the bartender is telling the policeman about "some fellow staying over by the lake". Real crime is virtually non-existent here; this city recently passed a cat-licensing law to give the Sheriff something to do. My wife did call them on me recently (we were drinking, but only to excess) -- for me NOT doing anything ("He won't DO anything!!!"). They agreed it was criminal and they hauled me off and stuck me in "jail" - which is to say the took me to the Motel and bought me a room and a pack 'o smokes, and didn't mind when I called a friend to bring me more beer. Some fellow on the other side of the state got his 7th (number SEVEN!!) D.U.I. ticket, so they finally sentenced him to 90 days in a "real" jail. Juvenile offenders here are taken halfway to South Dakota and made to walk home. Local D.U.I.'s are made to do push-ups until they are sober, if not just told to "Go home". Arnold on the other side of town thought he was a victim of crime, but a week later the neighbor brought him back the wrench he borrowed.
The bad weather here is truly a myth: The average January temp last year was 17f. That's cold, yes - but it ain't THAT cold. It does dip into the minus teens and twenties, but not for long usually. Occasionally, it will hit -50f, but that is quite rare. (and the thing about the cattle's tails freezing and breaking off is not true). We have never been warmer that since we moved here; our house has three furnaces, and we keep the heat set at "Ta-HEET-ie" (pushing 80f). The sun shines something like 325 days out of the year, and the summers are usually quite comfortable, too. ( I have turned the central A/C on only three times so far this year). The Northern Lights show most all the time, and can be quite dizzying. You can stand on the roof of most houses here and notice the curvature of the earth. The little old ladies here ALL look like Doris Day, too - it's amazing. The kids address all their elders as "Sir" and "Ma'am", and most all are in bed when the 9:30pm curfew sounds. I've been thinking of making a life-size cut-out of Rod Serling, and propping it up next to the "Welcome to Mott" sign. This place is MORE than a throw-back to the '1950s - it is still IN the 1950's. Girls get their hair done in "Beehives" for the Prom, the neighbor lady is always bringing us fresh-baked pies, the stores on Main Street are open but unoccupied during the lunch hour (or when the owner just has to go somewhere), and strangers can write checks for up to $500 cash at the locally-owned Bank IF they can recite either all of the seven deadly sins OR the names of at least 10 of the Apostles. (ok - maybe only $250)
They even still have "Counter Checks" here, too. The Bank has no night-deposit box, either: you tape your envelope of cash to the front door if you really need to make a deposit at night. We have unlimited water for the lawns and gardens, pumped from the river. I put my $40 for this year's water fee in an envelope with a stamp, addressed it to "Phil", with the return address "Bruce" on it and dropped it in the outgoing mail slot at the Post Office the day before yesterday. I didn't even seal the envelope, just tucked the flap in. I am still amazed by this place. We had our sewer line clog up over Memorial Day weekend a couple of years ago. Three guys showed up to help, and it took a day-and-a-half to fix. A month later we got a bill for $65. The keys are left in the vehicles at City Hall all the time "in case you ever need to use one". We haven't locked our doors since we moved here, and no longer even know where the keys are. When we leave for the day we OPEN the doors - so the neighbors can hear if a smoke alarm goes off. If the bathroom light goes on too many times at night, the neighbor lady bakes something with PRUNES in it and brings it over. I give out cans of Sardines at Halloween, and some of the kids will come back twice. Our Persian cat needed two surgeries, a week in the vet hospital and special food the whole time. The vet sent us a bill for $72. The farm implement place in town also works on cars; I got a new muffler put on ours, and now the car sounds like a tractor - but so does every other car they work on. We ordered something shortly after moving here, and the UPS man walks right into the house (smoking a cigarette) without knocking, comes across the house into the kitchen, looks at us and asks "Who the hell are you???". We tell him, and he says "Oh. Then this must be for you", gives us the package and leaves. One of the County Commissioners got caught boinking some other guys wife, there was an immediate recall election that EVERYONE voted in and he was tossed out. The State Legislature was updating archaic laws last year, but decided to leave the one against "co-habitation" on the books. The local USDA office in this town has handed out over 70 million dollars to local farmers (in this county alone) since we moved here. Our phone book has 1/4 inch of residential listings, and covers 54 communities in three states. The county next to ours is bigger than the state of Rhode Island, and has less than 100 people living in it. It is considered the single most ethnically diverse area of the state, because one of those people are Black, and two of them are American Indian.
This place IS amazing.
If you decide to change climes, please give North Dakota a visit. Or send one or more if your sons (tell 'em about all the Blondes!) - this place needs the (re)population, it's fading. If you want to relocate E. P. Waggener & Sons, Booksellers, the local Economic Development Association will probably GIVE you a Main Street building to move in to, maybe even a big fat zero-interest loan, too. If truly interested, I can send you some contact information. If you need a house, our Mayor is moving to Bismarck (kid has health problems), and will sell his own very nice two-story-full-finished-basement-corner-lot across from a church and the school for $2,000 down and $11.36 a day "Owner Financing", or there are many not-NEAR-as-expensive homes available.
Well, I have been true to my cause today, I have done NUTHIN. Like I said, I enjoy telling people about this place - I do hope you will consider it for a future visit, or if the fast-paced living in Kentucky ever overwhelms you it's a good place to slow down in. (And don't DON'T forget to rent the movie "Fargo"!)
