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The Emperor's Cousin's New Clothes

Dear friends and family,

I have just been informed that the Prince--that's right the Prince of Japan--will be coming to my little mountain town on October 12th.

The roads are at present being cleaned and the streets are being purged of rapscallions and suspiscious looking characters for the prince's prestigious arrival.


And, dear friends and family, they have in fact asked me to come and stand around authoritativly to speak English to the millions of adoring foriegn fans, who will no doubt come in droves like screaming, rabid, Beatles fans.

I am stepping up to the challenge and , needless to say, a little nervous about meeting this great and powerful man, this mortal god, this cousin to the Emperor. It will be a glorious day in which all townsfolks, nomads, and nearby citizens will ascend on Kihokus community sports center. I have been informed to park in the lower lots if it is good weather, but if it rains, i should park at the I-shop down the hill, to make room for improtant guests who wish not to get wet. please make note if you intend to come for this glorious event.

To my American friends, I will have to search you for guns and drugs at the door. Canadians should leave all donuts and beer stuffs at the door. The chewing noises upset the prince.

Also, for those of you who cannot make it to this glorious event, I would like you all to stand at attention and face the flag of Japan during the ceremonies. If you do not have a flag of Japan, i will be putting up an arts and crafts page to show you how to construct your own, or you can call your local Japanese embassy. The ceremony will be from 12noon to 5pm, so for my friends and family in Kentucky, I would like for you to stand and face the Japanese flag starting at 10pm on the night of the 11th, until about 4 am Saturday morning. Those of you in California and the west coast should stand at about 3 am the morning of the 11th until 8am. when you stand and face the flag, make sure and make a full bow to waist level, and hold it for a full three seconds, before returning to attention. at the end of the ceremony repeat the bow, throw your arms in the air and yell "bonzai" three times, and then end with a hearty round of applause. I encourage you all to have a drinking party after the ceremony. Make sure and pour drinks for others and have your wives or girlfriends prepare many platters of fried fish, squid and tree bark.

Thanks for your cooperation,
Tom Waggener

Kihoku town ALT and resident foriegn guy



This story was posted on 2002-10-08 09:00:00
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