Printed from:

Welcome to Columbia Magazine  

Carol Perkins: Drive-thru pitfalls

Previous Column: Bella and Honey

By Carol Perkins

A worker who took Guy's order at a drive-thru window as he specifically said: "no cheese on that burger" at least three times is labeled an idiot when Guy gets home with a cheeseburger. "I told that girl three times only meat and a bun. Meat and a bun. Three times. Here is what you get. A cheeseburger." We all know kids who do a good job, but he didn't meet any that day.

When Guy offers to bring me lunch but has to tell the person at the window he wants a "plain" anything, he takes it personally, as if I have somehow caused him severe embarrassment. "If you ate food like everyone else, this wouldn't happen."

"I eat my hamburger the way I want it, and besides, no hamburger automatically comes with cheese. That is called a CHEESEBURGER," I retorted. Why the drive-thru people (many of them) don't understand what a plain HAMBURGER means comes under the heading of "lack of training." Demonstrate: lay a hamburger on a counter and a bun beside it; place another hamburger on a counter, slap a piece of cheese on it, lay it beside a bun and compare the two. Tell the person preparing the sandwiches the difference: a cheeseburger has cheese. Lack of training is my assessment of the problem.

My father would often embarrass me at the Tastee Freeze in Glasgow near the Bowling Alley when he placed the family order. Naturally, I wanted my "plain" hamburger. Seldom did the order arrive correctly, so my father became overly dramatic. "Put the bun in one bag, the meat in another, and send it out." I never understand the problem. Seventy years later, I still can't get my plain hamburger without stressing the PLAIN and examining the burger when I get it.

When Guy finished his rant about those who worked there (anyone is an idiot, including himself, when something simple turns into a production), he sat at the kitchen table eating his fish sandwich. I heard rumbling. "Guess what?" he said from the other room. "You got a cheeseburger and instead of fish, I got a chicken sandwich. That piece has never seen a chicken."

Working fast food is not an easy job, but something so simple as a hamburger vs. a cheeseburger should not be an issue. After peeling off as much of the cheese as I could, I ate the cheeseburger because Guy had gone to so much trouble that the agitation sent his blood pressure soaring. Little things can often create more frustration than major problems. Not getting what he orders at a drive-thru lights Guy's fuse. Otherwise, he is a very cool, calm, and collected fellow!

Follow Susan and Carol-Unscripted on 99.1 the Hoss in Edmonton on Tuesdays from 10amCT to 11amCT and replay on Sundays from 4pmCT to 5pmCT. Listen to Carol's podcast at for entertaining stories and a replay of Susan and Carol-Unscripted.

This story was posted on 2019-04-06 05:41:54
Printable: this page is now automatically formatted for printing.
Have comments or corrections for this story? Use our contact form and let us know.


Quick Links to Popular Features

Looking for a story or picture?
Try our Photo Archive or our Stories Archive for all the information that's appeared on


Contact us: Columbia Magazine and are published by Linda Waggener and Pen Waggener, PO Box 906, Columbia, KY 42728.
Phone: 270.403.0017

Please use our contact page, or send questions about technical issues with this site to All logos and trademarks used on this site are property of their respective owners. All comments remain the property and responsibility of their posters, all articles and photos remain the property of their creators, and all the rest is copyright 1995-Present by Columbia Magazine. Privacy policy: use of this site requires no sharing of information. Voluntarily shared information may be published and made available to the public on this site and/or stored electronically. Anonymous submissions will be subject to additional verification. Cookies are not required to use our site. However, if you have cookies enabled in your web browser, some of our advertisers may use cookies for interest-based advertising across multiple domains. For more information about third-party advertising, visit the NAI web privacy site.