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First Splanations, I-III: Jim, on matters mostly geographic The letter below came in response to an urgent need to know the relationships of Jimtown and Th' Sprangs to the Sacred Triangle of Ono, Sano, and Esto, and was directed to JIM, a Forever Russell Countian who now lives in the Far Outland in self-imposed exile. His heart remains true to Canaan-land. His soul sung songs are constant to the Russell County Promised Land, prettier yet, than that of any other Nashville troubadour, though no highway is named for him - for JIM - for Jimtown, that Jerusalem on Monument Circle (as we see it, not JIM), was named neither for him - JIM - or Jimtown Coomer; though it ought to have been, rather than some old English King. His Splanations, with links to the writ of The Venerable Cyrus, follow: From JIM, able still, in his Elba Ed, I'm breaking my quasi-self-imposed silence to deliver this message in reply to your kind letter of yesterday.I'm glad the Neatsville Home Guards ar-tickle brought joy to your world. Wouldn't you love to know the identity of "J.W.B"? Splanation I: The word for the effect of a carlights in animals' eyes As you may know, I'm a third generation Old Order Luddite (Unreformed), and as such, have no truck with any of the -ologie (or for steering things up). However, during my wild teen years I strayed from the fold and read a book about animals (the four-legged kind, that is) and remember the term "retroreflection" to describe the reflective property of the eyes of critters. This phenomenon is created by the tapetum lucidum, a reflective membrane behind the retina. Or so I read, anyways. Splanation II: Where to find the Artickle about the Worst Cussin' ever Administered to the No Count Scoundrel and Bully, Champ Ferguson Now, on to weightier things. The all-overest Champ Ferguson cussin' ever was administered by Columbia blacksmith Bob Eubank(s). Judge H.C. Baker laid forth the tale to the world in 1918 and Cyrus, that mangy scavenger, stol, er, transcribed it for CM readers almost six years ago. You can read all about it at CYRUS/The worst cussing Albany, KY, outlaw Champ Ferguson ever got Splanation III: Relationship of th' Sprangs, Jimtown, to the Sacred Triangle of Sano, Ono, and Esto the the Promised Land, THE County, Russell County, Kentucky Jimtown lies without the S.T. As far as Jimtown and th' Sprangs....Jimtown, located well outside the Sacred Triangle, is still the same sinful, hell-bound place it was when eightscore and five years ago, Clayton Miller prayed his mighty prayer for the inhabitants therein: AN UNUSUAL PRAYER(To read the entire Cyrus Column including sagacious comments, click to Cyrus sends notes on Clayton Miller Prays a Mighty Prayer) Th' Sprangs is safely ensconced within the borders of the Sacred Triangle, and even the iconclastic JIM finds Baptists there trustworthy (take note, Martha Berry), he continues: -CM Th' Sprangs, on the other hand, safely ensconced within the borders of the Sacred Triangle, remains a sanctimonious bastion of such staunch uprightness that even some Baptists are trustworthy. Royville, Franch Valley claims to S.T. status dubious There remains some question as to whether the border communities of Royville and Franch Valley are Within or Without, the more learned pundits believing that the Withinness or Withoutness depends on the quality of the watches and the strength of the devil's brew distributed three of every four Novembers. Montpelier, KY, geographically outside, morally belongs Alas, this missive is far too long already to even mention that Anomaly of Anomalies, Montpelier, it lying well outside the bounds of the Sacred Triangle but being on a plane of such a high and rarefied moral rectitude as to on occasion outshine the most righteous of The Triangle itself. Forever and ever, Amen. jim (Lower case his'n) CM PS: Obvious missing Splanation IV: Is Uno supposed to be part of the S.T.? Is it adrift in Hart County because of a spelling error (should of been "Heart of THE County?), or can the geographic aberration be explained by a mere tectonic plate shift? Maybe JIM will render that Delphinic Devination later. -EW This story was posted on 2011-12-28 03:48:15
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