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Carol Perkins: I blame the bed

Previous column: Bless your heart

By Carol Perkins

Suspended in the air, flailing my arms, holding onto my CPAP mask and tube, I felt myself sliding off the mattress with no control. Kerplunk. I hit the floor, banging my head against the nightstand. What just happened?

I was confused and disoriented. Had I just fallen out of the bed? No doubt about it; I was sitting on the floor between the bed and chair in the tiny cabin on our cruise ship in the middle of the Pacific. Where was Guy? Asleep in the twin bed only a few feet few from me. He didn't move and I didn't wake him. Never in all my years have I fallen out of a bed.

In the darkness of the room, I sat quietly to regain my composure and wait for the beat of my heart to go back to normal.

This would be quite alarming for anyone, but for someone with more decades behind her than in front, it was more like an earthquake had hit. I surveyed what I could see of the room and decided the only way to get up was to use the chair as my crutch. Even then, I was afraid it would slide from under me, and I would once again hit the floor. However, I didn't want to wake Guy to help.

One arm up on the chair and then the other; up came one knee and then the other. Finally, one foot up and then the other until I was standing. By then, I knew nothing was broken except my spirit. I wobbled to the bathroom to check my head and to pull myself together. How in the world did this happen? I blamed the bed. It threw me out.

The ship was rocking more than usual that night. The mattress was lopsided, which I had pointed out to Guy the first night I crawled in, and as I tried to turn over from my stomach to my back that fateful night, I must have turned too far. It is a wonder I hadn't broken a hip instead of sporting bruises. My bad knee did not need yet another injury.

Even though he tried not to laugh, Guy said, "You look like someone beat you up." Imagine if he had taken me to the hospital, someone questioned him and he said, "She fell out of the bed." I'm sure they would believe that one!

Follow Susan and Carol-Unscripted on 99.1 the Hoss in Edmonton on Tuesdays from 10amCT to 11amCT and replay on Sundays from 4pmCT to 5pmCT. Listen to Carol's podcast at for entertaining stories and a replay of Susan and Carol-Unscripted.

This story was posted on 2019-05-07 05:36:26
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