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Carol Perkins: Of a mice family & The Incident at Susan's

'Somewhere in a mousehole in the Chambers' home is a family of mice talking about what happened to poor little Speedy and warning their babies to stay away from sinks and stay away from that woman upstairs.' - CAROL PERKINS
The next earlier Carol Perkins column: Carol Perkins: The peril of going barefoot on the deck

By Carol Perkins

Occasionally, six of us women play a card game called "Hand and Foot." The other night we gathered around the host's dining room table and shuffled the endless stack of cards to make sure they were totally "mixed up" from the last game. Not having been together for several weeks, our voices banked off each other like a three-point shot hitting the backboard, hoping someone at least heard a little of what we said.

As we shuffled, one of the ladies jokingly said, "When are you going to get some cards with bigger numbers?" We talked about what had happened since the last time we played, which wasn't too much. Even in the throes of playing, the conversation bounced from one to the next. We'd were often so distracted by a story that when there was a lull someone would say, "Is it my turn?" One story actually caused us to lay down our cards and nearly fall out of our chairs.

The conversation turned to mice and how annoying they are and how to get rid of them. Peppermint, according to one, would run them off. "Put a little peppermint on a cotton ball and place several around the house and they'll disappear." That led to where to buy peppermint oil. We discussed traps with cheese, traps that catch them but don't kill them, and how they love anything made of silicone. We talked about how we hated to remove them from traps, especially when they were alive. However, nothing topped this account by Susan Chambers, my radio show co-host.

"I went home one day and a mouse was trapped in my sink. I looked at him and he looked back and I felt sorry for him, but I had to do something. After glancing around the room for an idea, I decided to drown him. I ran a sink of water, but he floated, hanging on for dear life. His little paws were above the water as if he were begging for help. That wasn't working so I had a light bulb moment and did the only thing I knew to do to get rid of him. I opened up the drain, watched him slide down, and turned on the garbage disposal."

In unison, we gasped! You ground up the mouse?" What a sickening image. I could see fur flying, legs dancing out of the disposal, and eyeballs popping. She shrugged, "Well, I had to do something!"

"I hope you disinfected that disposal!" one of the ladies said.

"Oh, lots of stuff have been down that drain since then," she replied.

Susan is one of the funniest people I know and one of the best storytellers, but she told this account so matter-of-factly that I don't think she realized just how outrageous and revoltingly hilarious this story was.

Somewhere in a mousehole in the Chambers' home is a family of mice talking about what happened to poor little Speedy and warning their babies to stay away from sinks and stay away from that woman upstairs.

- Carol Perkins is a regular weekly columnist and can be heard regularly on the Susan & Carol Unscripted Show, FM 99.1 radio, Tuesdays at 10amCT.

This story was posted on 2018-03-14 12:10:23
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