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Chuck Hinman, IJMA No. 082: Freddie, the Tallgrass Fly

It's Just Me Again No. 082, was written 5 August 2008. Because prestigious Tallgrass Estates insisted that even a designer swatter had no place in a dining room purposed for gracious living a Freddie was a protected species until vigilante justice was carried out.
The next previous Chuck Hinman column: Chuck Hinman: Reminiscences - Chuck Hinman: IJMA No. 059. America's Favorite Food

By Chuck Hinman
Yes, prestigious Tallgrass Estates is home to a common housefly. He has lived here long enough that he is known as Freddie by some of the long-time residents whom he visits at meal tine. He (I'm assuming his gender) has been sighted at several tables on the east side of the dining room. He has not been seen anywhere except the dining room.

He apparently has no family as he seems to fly from table to table as though looking for someone. Poor soul!

Several years ago, a resident brought a designer fly swatter (it was purple matching her shoes) to the evening meal. The manager complimented her fashionable appearance and politely asked her to NOT use the fly swatter since Tallgrass Estates is known for "gracious living" and a fly swatter, even though matching her shoes, gave the wrong message.

So Freddie, the Tallgrass Fly, continues his hospitable ways flitting fearlessly from table to table dancing across the top of your fresh roll.

Someone suggested that Freddie probably has arthritis and the heat from the fresh rolls feels good.

A curious thing happened a few days ago at a table next to ours. I have dreadful hearing but I would have sworn I heard what sounded like a fly swatter making a strike. Not only that but I heard a female voice chirp excitedly "I got him!" There was some muffled female laughter.

I can only assume that Freddie Fly no longer lives at Tallgrass Estates.

Regardless of your feelings of the place for the common housefly, Freddie had impeccably good taste. RIP -- FF.

Written by Chuck Hinman, 5 August 2008

This story was posted on 2012-09-09 03:15:38
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