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Carol Perkins: Growing up ugly By Carol Perkins Did you grow up ugly? Are your baby pictures only precious to your mother? Did the doctor want to slap your father instead of you when you were born? (Old joke) Did relatives take one look at you and say, "How sweet." I bet you were compared to your sister or brother who just happened to be cute as a button upon arrival. Remember those dreadful school pictures that capture your worst possible image because you forgot it was picture day? Would the word homely describe you but you can laugh about it now? Did your hair need combing and your chin have chocolate milk on it? Did you have to force your pictures upon others? Guy remembers when he had lost his two front teeth and his pictures were so dreadful nobody wanted one and he took the entire package home. He still laughs about that. He can only laugh because it wasn't a permanent condition. Growing up ugly is not pretty. Now don't think I am insensitive because I do write of this tongue and cheek, but quite honestly, many, many people grow up very dissatisfied with themselves physically because of the mirror others hold in front of them, and it begins in early childhood. Let's begin with siblings. In a family, there will usually be a spotlight child. Parents seldom make differences in their children, but outsiders often do, which can become the source of jealousy. Very subtly, the message of who is pretty and who isn't is reinforced with words like, "So, you're the smart one? or "You are such a nice person." to one and, "You'll break hearts to another." It may not be said as bluntly, but kids read between the lines. In general, pretty children are more noticed and given more attention whether on purpose or not. As early as pre-school, many children gravitate toward the prettier children in their classes and want to be their friend. Not that they notice physical beauty, but they do notice the cute outfits and bows and fancy shoes (girls) and how a child carries herself/himself and how teachers react to them. The little runny nose girl with the stringy hair is not often going to be the lead in a PTO play. Pretty attracts attention and some of you will remember not receiving much. Your appearance was awkward, your clothes hand-me-downs, and you didn't have the opportunities as others in your class. You felt like stale bread instead of a fresh biscuit. When a plain child moves into puberty, nature is often not kind. Pimples attack beauty and ugly alike, but parents of pretty kids seek dermatologists while parents of plain children may not see the need. By now, the pretty kids hang out with like kind and when they speak to a plain kid, that kid is thrilled. "Oh, SHE spoke to me." In general, plain kids often feel isolated, hungry for attention, and spend a lot of time crying. By high school, beauties and handsome boys may have lost some glitter because others have discovered that beauty and personality are synonymous, but look through a yearbook, what do you see? Having read an article recently online about this subject, I began to think about the many young people I have seen who had terrible experiences growing up unattractive. They were often teased because of their teeth or their weight or their dress. Will there ever be a time when our society doesn't reward beauty, fame and riches over all else? Age brings changes and those who considered themselves ugly often turned into powerhouse individuals. At reunions, classmates are astounded at the change, which often reinforces how much of a swan they weren't. I'll never forget John Denver's remark to his audience about what a geek and an outcast he was in high school. He raised his glasses and winked at the crowd as if they were all his high school peers and said, "See me now?" Physical beauty shouldn't matter at all, but it does, especially to the young whose mirrors are clouded by insecurities. - Carol Perkins This story was posted on 2012-03-04 19:20:50
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Have comments or corrections for this story? Use our contact form and let us know. More articles from topic Carol Perkins:
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