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A day in the life of a house husband: The Tuna Patties incident Want of an onion for tuna patties started a string of events which caused him to miss worst ever rendition of "The Times They are A-Changing" on episode of Mission Impossible By JD Gee Yesterday morning, I asked my beloved spouse what she wanted for supper and she replied, "Tuna patties." So, I dug out my favorite recipe, looked at it, and realized 1) it called for green onions, and 2) there wasn't an onion - green, blue, chartreuse, or otherwise - in the house, but there was one in the garden. I'd missed it several days back when the rest of the onion patch gave its collective life for a Better Cause. Out to the garden I went to get an onion. An onion. As I pulled that little fellar up, it occurred to me the greens needed to be picked, so I hauled that one onion back the house, got a paper poke, and headed back to the garden and commenced picking greens. Then I realized the beans needed attention as well, so I toted the paper poke full of greens to the house, dumped them in the sink, grabbed my next to best bucket-without-a-bail, and set sail to the garden. Again. As I finished picking the beans, the realization struck that the squash needed to be harvested too, so, taking my life into my own hands, I waded in. I'll swear, one of the squash plants is a meat eater. I surely hope none of the neighborhood kids wander near the garden. I trudged back to the house one last time and "laid my burdens down" - rinsed off the squash; washed and snapped the beans; and washed, stemmed, blanched, and cooked the greens. All of this just because my mother-in-law's daughter wanted tuna patties for supper. I'd planned to spend the day eating bon-bons, sipping champagne, doing my toenails, and watching Oprah. The Scottish Plowboy-Poet had it right when he wrote that "The best-laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft agley." (Not to sound like a moralizing man, but this seems to apply particularly to married men. The mice will have to speak up for themselves.) I was mostly through sulking by the time my favorite wife got home, so despite the heat, we took our usual evening stroll, but there weren't as many critters or folks stirring about as usual. We ambled a bit faster than we normally do in hopes of generating a breeze, and got home in time to watch most of last evening's exciting rerun episode of "Mission: Impossible." (It was the episode with the Worst-Ever Rendition by Anyone of "The Times They Are A-Changing," in case you keep track of such things.) By the by, the tuna patties were a hit, and as far as the bon-bons and champagne and Oprah I missed out on - well heck, there's always tomorrow! And here you thought nothing exciting ever happens in the hinterlands north of the Green River. This story was posted on 2010-07-24 08:58:23
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