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Chuck Hinman, IJMA 079: Advice for Retirement: Kitchen Rules

Chuck Hinman: It's Just Me Again No. 079. Advice on gratuitous help where no help is needed or wanted can be a pitfall in early days of retirement, he remembers.
The next earlier Chuck Hinman story Canning Cherries Is Chuck Hinman your favorite Sunday with CM columnist, as many tell us? If so, we hope you'll drop him a line by email. Reader comments to CM are appreciated, as are emails directly to Mr. Hinman at: charles.hinman@sbcglobal.net

By Chuck Hinman

I retired in August 1985 after working 35 years at Phillips Petroleum Company. When retirement came we were living in Houston.

In the months before I retired, I pondered what important thing I might do as my first official act of retirement -- like "something for humanity." But, the thing that came to mind most often was to clean the darned garage! Heaven knows it needed it but that seemed so mundane.



I preferred something befitting my status in life, whatever that was.

After getting up that first morning of my retirement and enjoying a leisurely breakfast with Connie, I was looking for something in the kitchen junk drawer. It was overflowing with scraps of paper and news clippings, etc. There was no particular order which drove me crazy. Connie always defended it as "random order" which seemed like an oxymoron. The drawers in our house were all "arranged" in random order it seemed.

Vexed at not finding what I was looking for, I started fingering through those bits and snippets of paper. They were mostly handwritten recipes. Hmm -- Mom Hinman's mayonnaise dressing for potato salad. Mom's been dead since 1973 and I don't remember having potato salad with homemade mayonnaise in all those years. Here's one for Lindy's Cauliflower Salad. We had that many times at Lindy's place in Nebraska but I never remember it gracing our table. Here's one we had when either I or the kids made it. It's our good friend Maxine Lewis's Blueberry Cream pie. Ooh, my mouth is watering! Here's Kitchen-Klatter Pineapple-Coconut Delight. I don't remember ever having that and I want some for dinner - tonight!

I picked up my cup of coffee and joined Connie on the patio. While reading how the Astro's had fared last night at the Astrodome, my mind kept thinking about that Coconut-Pineapple stuff. Without telling Connie I had been snooping in the junk drawer, I said, "Connie, why don't you fix that recipe from Kitchen-Klatter for Coconut Pineapple Delight?" She finished taking a sip of coffee before she replied, "Oh darlin', I will but I don't know where the recipe is. Some day, I'll make that for you." And she went back to reading something.

Her reply hit me like a bolt of lightning! I knew immediately what my first "benevolent" act in retirement was going to be! She didn't make any of that stuff for which she had collected recipes because she didn't take time to organize them. I hadn't worked 35 years at Phillips for nothing! If nothing else, I knew how to organize paper. That's what Phillips people do best; they organize and reorganize paper. Producing oil was secondary; organizing paper was what we really did.

I was going to straighten up her recipe box and miscellaneous recipes and we would start having things like Mom's potato salad with home-made mayonnaise and all the others.

Benevolent acts are historically cloaked in secrecy as to the identity of the benefactor. So I located Connie's recipe box and took it and the junk drawer into my bedroom office. I started by dumping it all on my desk so I could start from scratch. I would bring order out of chaos. I closed the door so Connie wouldn't know what I was doing until I was through. Then I could emerge with an empty junk drawer and a box of perfectly organized recipes. I was giddy about what I had stumbled upon!

Lunch time came and I was making headway but nowhere near through. I was having a ball. After calling me two times for lunch, Connie came to the door and said, "Darlin', lunch is ready and I've called you twice. What are you doing?"

With great pride and a big smile, I announced, "I'm organizing your recipes."

Oh - oh! I had touched a nerve!

Her mouth flew open and her usual pleasant demeanor changed as she said, "You're doing wha-a-a-t?"

Then in a tearful voice she added, "I have been running this house all these years you have been working. You obviously haven't missed many meals and I do not need your help in organizing my life now that you are retired and looking for something to do! You have hurt my pride big time, Chuck!"

I was stunned! What did I say or do that upset her!Connie retreated to the bathroom and locked the door! Whew - she's upset!

Fifteen minutes or so later, she joined me at the kitchen table. I could tell she had been crying but she mustered a smile as she squeezed my hand and picked up her sandwich.

The subject never came up again and the next day I dutifully got after cleaning the garage which should have been my first official act of retirement all along. As time passed I learned to not infringe in your mate's domain. You can help but don't dominate. How thoughtless of me!

Random order, I am finding, isn't all that bad. I practice it in my apartment as I reminisce the time Connie set the kitchen rules for our retirement years.


This story was posted on 2010-07-11 05:37:17
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