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Sleeping COF gets tangled up in Union suit, but tragedy averted

Wherein COF sends Sunday epistle with a moral. COF admits learning a lesson in domestic relations after waking up from nightmare caused by getting tangled up in Union suit, the requisite nightwear in Arctic Knifley, Adair County's nearest major city to the North Pole. Reprinted here in ancient Nifleean dialect, neither added to or taken from, just as it was handed down from on high.

To the editor, ColumbiaMagazine.com
Sunday, March 9, 2008. in re: "Senator Obama wanted in arctic Knifley"

Well it happened! (Sorta, Almost).

You'll collect that yestiday I requested help gitting Miz Emily up on the roof to push off the snow afore hit come crashing down on us.

Never was able to convince her and last night during several trips back to the house from the privy I could hear that ole roof creakin and moanin. I'd look up and see that mountain of snow just sittin up thar grinnin at me.


Well sir, I woke up this mornin and knew immediately disaster had struck!Alls I could see was a mound of white right gainst my eyeballs in every direction I could turn and thar I was just a freezin and held fast by thet icy mass.

I immediately started callin out to Miz Emily tellin her to hang on as I wuz tryin to get to her so's we could git out together or both of us go to our eternal reward together.

Bout thet time I hears Miz Emily hollering: "You Crazy Ole Fool, what in tarnation you yellin about now?" With that I feel the mound of snow bein literally whipped off and there stands Miz Emily, cookin apron and all lookin just as calm as ever.

Seems like during the night I wuz frettin so much bout thet snow, I tossed an turned so much thet I managed to git all twisted up in my white Union Suit thet I could barely move and managed to kick the covers off an had the sheet wrapped clean round my head.

Well I wuz relieved but Miz Emily seemed pretty put out with me - tho it's hard to tell since I can't recall a time when she wuz enny otherwise.

I do believe, however, she musta been a little touched by my tryin to git to her in the midst of my travails cause when I finally got mysef settled down and went down to breakfast, I found she had fired up a large pone, whipped up some cracklin bread, fresh churned some butter, pulled out the sorgum Billy Humpress brought back from a hand mill in Indiana and fixed up a big slab of country ham with a bowl of tangy redeye.

Now if I could jest figure how to stay on this side of her, but I reckon thets bout as likely as the 80 bridge being finished ennytime soon.

COF at Dun Roman
High on a snow covered ridge above beautiful arctic downtown Knifley


This story was posted on 2008-03-09 08:47:56
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