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Carol Perkins: Design a Father
Previous Column: Remaining self-reliant
By Carol Perkins
As Father's Day approaches, did you know that the most significant role model in a child's life is the same sex parent? For every son, there is a father who will have a positive or negative influence.
I thought about how wonderful it would be if a child could design his father. What would he desire? If you could have designed your father, how would you have changed him? Here are my thoughts.
A child wants his dad who loves/respects his mother. A father should never talk down to (you're an idiot), cuss, threaten (I'll leave you), or hit her, causing children to hide in a closet. No father should trash talk the mother even if the two are divorced. Being caught in the middle is not a place for children.
A child wants a father who is calm. For example, no young person wants a dad who rants at the coach from the bleachers, yells at the referees, screams at the players and criticizes how awful his child played for all to hear. The child can't look forward to his ballgames knowing how Daddy will act. He doesn't want to fear his dad telling off the teacher, running over the driver in front of him, arguing with a neighbor, or kicking the dog. A father needs to see himself through his child's eyes.
A child wants a trustworthy father with whom he feels safe. He shouldn't have to worry when his dad doesn't show up long after he should. Worry that he might come home drunk, high, or doped. Come home, having lost what little money they had in a poker game. The youngster wants a dad who comes home after work, pays the bills, provides for the family, helps around the house, and whose word he can trust. When the house is better while the dad is gone, there is a problem.
A child wants a father who is present. One who will take him fishing, pitch ball in the backyard, show him how to set a fence post, or show him how to drive. A child doesn't want a father who values social media and video games or hanging out with his friends every night instead of at home above family.
A child wants his dad to be proud of him and not compare him to someone else. He needs a few hugs, now and then, and an "I love you" along with way. The best way to build a child's confidence is to make him feel he is enough.
Most of all, a son (or daughter) wants love, kindness, security, and dependability from a father. I can, without a doubt, say that Carla and Jon have always thought their dad was the greatest man on earth. No father could ask for more.
This story was posted on 2021-06-18 09:30:48
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