Printed from:

Welcome to Columbia Magazine  

A Note On Brbb Etiquette

This article first appeared in issue 21, and was written by Ed Waggener.

*The Bear Board Code of Conduct dictates that we not write sorghum as it is correctly pronounced, "Sah-grum," (west and south of here "sah-gumm"no "r") over and over, any more than we would write "Ebnan" every time we refer to the capitol of Metcalfe County. Persons of good breeding know to pronounce it "Ebnan" when they see "Edmonton," and they know the correct pronunciation, by gum, when they see sorghum. If, perchance, the gentle reader is from off, and doesn't know better, we hope he/she learns here how to talk right listening carefully, not by pedantic putdowns.

Heaven forbid, for example, that a native Adair Countian, sitting at the fanciest banquet in Columbia, should correct a person from off who innocently asks, "Would you throw me a couple of hot biscuits. And would you pass the butter and some of that wonderful Needmore Farms Sorghum Molasses?", but doesn't pronounce sorghum right. Two things are apparent here: l) That the feast goer is perceptive enough to know how to ask for his biscuits, and 2) That being so, you are not dealing with a plumb damned fool.

Given just a modicum of exposure to proper Adair County culture, that person will learn, by careful observation, both correct speech and good manners. In no time at all he'll pull up in your drive, honk the horn, and holler, "Got a dozen cold ones!" When you get to your drive, he'll say, " Hop in. Ride wuh me t' Ebnan. B'i'ness," and away you'll roll into the Western sky, with the windowlights cranked down, plenty of Hank and Patsy in the glove compartment, a just-opened pouch of Red Man and a can of Skoal on the dash, and a half case of ice cold PBR on the seat between you. There'll be two goats and a guinea hen tied in the bed, and you're headed for the stockyards.

You throw your deBabelizer out the window at Petty's Fork Bridge, because you and your new buddy need no interpreter. You can communicate perfectly-upper lips immobile and with only the slightest articulation. Because he, praise be, can now mumble the English language with the best of us. He needs only acquire a little more twangy "i" to become a real, born-again Adair County native.

This story was posted on 1998-07-15 12:01:01
Printable: this page is now automatically formatted for printing.
Have comments or corrections for this story? Use our contact form and let us know.

To sponsor news and features on ColumbiaMagazine, please use our contact form.


Quick Links to Popular Features content is available as an RSS/XML feed for your RSS reader or other news aggregator.
Use the following link:

Contact us: Columbia Magazine and are published by D'Zine, Ltd., PO Box 906, Columbia, KY 42728.
Phone: 270-250-2730 Fax: 270-751-0401

Please use our contact page, or send questions about technical issues with this site to All logos and trademarks used on this site are property of their respective owners. All comments remain the property and responsibility of their posters, all articles and photos remain the property of their creators, and all the rest is copyright 1995-Present by Columbia! Magazine and D'Zine, Ltd. Privacy policy: use of this site requires no sharing of information. Voluntarily shared information may be published and made available to the public on this site and/or stored electronically. Anonymous submissions will be subject to additional verification. Cookies are not required to use our site. However, if you have cookies enabled in your web browser, some of our advertisers may use cookies for interest-based advertising across multiple domains. For more information about third-party advertising, visit the NAI web privacy site.