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Full Nest Syndrome

This article first appeared in issue 18, and was written by Marilyn Loy Turner.

Santa won't get another letter like this one

This Christmas I need something to clean house with, something that will stand up to two six-foot long-legged teenage boys and all their friends and a young girl who is into junk food and all-night sleep-overs.

I figure I need a yellow WET FLOOR sign but not for just when I mop and wax but for 24-hour-a-day use. My floor hasn't been dry since it came from the manufacturer. There's always Koolaid, lemonade, or Coke spilled on it.

I need a laundry basket that will hold 400 pounds of laundry, keep socks from sneaking out of the cracks, and double as a basketball goal.

I sure could use a pest repellent that would double as an air freshener.

A self-cleaning refrigerator with biodegradable leftovers, complete with automatic deodorizers would be nice.

If my furniture could repel dust, I'd never have to worry about Tim putting his feet up on my coffee table again.

In my kitchen, I could use the following: an apron that makes me look like I've lost five pounds, a chef hat that covers all bad hair days, and a stove that cooks by itself.

For days I want to relax, I could use a self-cleaning hot tub, and a hundred years supply of Calgon. Know what would really be great? a built-in bartender!

Alas, I might as well put my Christmas list away at least for another year or two. My husband says the chimney is so dirty that Santa couldn't get down it to bring me those things, anyway. I wouldn't if they make automatic chimney cleaners.?

This story was posted on 1997-12-24 12:01:01
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